Debb's Christian Share Page

 

I awoke the next day on time and everything went well, but during the day, a huge struggle had begun. It seemed like everything within me was telling me that I should not be happy now. I had been happy for five days in a row and that was just too long. My mind was racing with thoughts that were trying to bring me down. I knew that my depression was just a habit now which had to be broken. Each time a thought would come into my mind to bring me down, I would just pray to God for strength. The strength came, because I knew, that all I had to do was concentrate on eating breakfast and going for a walk and that God would do the rest. When I was depressed, I never thought of the things that I could do, instead, I seemed to concentrate on all the things that I couldn't. I was so amazed another day went by full of praise and thanks to God.

The weekend came and my children's father came and picked them up. The weekend didn't go well and I didn't end up going to church on Sunday. The children came home in the afternoon raving that they had had a good time, which I was thankful for. They told me what they did and in amongst it, they told me something that I didn't like. I was angry at something they had revealed to me, quite innocently. I couldn't let them see my reaction, but I was angry at unfairness, in a situation. This began to play on me. By the end of the day, I could feel myself coming down. I could feel my -self closing off to God. Then I thought, "No! I'm not going down that road again." I couldn't stand it. I could feel the habit side of the depression and just thought no way. Concentrate on what God has given you. Eat breakfast and go for a ten-minute walk each day and God will do the rest.

For the first time Instead of drawing away from God, because I wasn't feeling good, I came near. I hung onto the scripture in the bible that says, "Come near to God and he will come near to you." This was a big step for me, to come near to God when all I wanted to do was hide. Sin draws me away from God, so far away that I don't want to face him. Not this time I hung onto the fact that he is a God who forgives, when we seek his forgiveness. We don't have to go away and torture ourselves by trying to hide from God, thinking that we can't face him, because we are not good enough as Satan would want us to believe. I sought his forgiveness and then believed, really believed in his word. That he forgives and cleanses us. Our God is a forgiving God who forgives us, through his grace alone, because of the death on the cross of his Son Jesus. Who died for all our sins, even the ones we haven't committed yet? As it says in Rom 3:23-24 Every-one has sinned and is far off from God's saving presence. But by the free gift of God's grace all are put right with him through Christ Jesus, who sets them free.

Such a great hope there is, to be found in God alone. To think that I may never need to live with depression again is so amazing to me. I am so used to living with it and yet, I cant wait for the day, (that I know will come), when I couldn't imagine what living with depression feels like.