Debb's Christian Share Page

 

we just kept on coming back, till we finally, got it all right one day and didn't need to come back any more. (Reincarnation) For probably the first time, since I had become a Christian, I was so very thankful, that God had given us the freedom to choose, and that Jesus paid for our freedom, by his blood, that was shed for us, on the cross.

Eph: 22-24 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. (NIV)

Over the next couple of days, anger built up inside of me. I was angry with my self, that I had hung on so long. I didn't just hang on after we separated. It began years before. I knew, I should have left him years ago. Or, we should have sought help in our marriage, but instead, we ran it into the ground. I didn't even realize, that this anger was there, until it exploded in words, that came out of my mouth.

I was visiting a friend from church. I was speaking so angrily. I didn't know what I was saying, I was just speaking my anger. My friend was shocked. So was I. Whilst I was driving home, I felt so terrible and I didn't know what was going on with me. I heard God say, that I wasn't seeing things through his eyes and I needed to look to him.

I got home, rang my friend from church, and apologized. I got off the phone and I just couldn't work out what was wrong. Then God spoke to me and he showed me, why I was angry. He showed me, that I wasn't angry about what I thought I was and that the anger, was from letting go of my ex-husband. He showed me, that for a lot of years I had been hanging on to a lie. I had believed, what I had wanted to, about my husband and my marriage and not the truth. He showed me, that my not letting go, was a way of my not having to face the truth.

I had spent so many years of my life, covering up my husband's wrongdoing. In some ways, I took them all of him, to make him look clean and placed them on myself and I realized the terrible impact, that had on me. In-fact, in the end, I just took all the blame so willingly, that my husband, then began to also believe, that everything was my fault and blamed me. In the end, we had a marriage just so full of blame and lies. God showed me, that hanging on to my ex husband, was a way of preventing me, from going through these emotions of grief." I was so shocked, I thought once I let go, that would be it. I would be over it all.

Earlier in the day, after God had shown me why I was angry, I had rung my friend ,to explain and she hadn't got back to me, so I just assumed, that she was upset with me.