Debb's Christian Share Page

 

Reality started to hit me hard and fast, after coming back from Fiji. The Children, were going to their father's every second weekend and coming home with complaint after complaint, in regards to how they were treated by their fathers new partner. I would ask them if they had spoken to their father, about this and each time they would so no. So I would tell them, that they would have to try and work it out, with him first, but they wouldn't.

I ended up saying something to my ex-husband. I had to psych myself up to it. Communication between my ex-husband and myself was not easy. It wasn't that we argued, or were nasty to each other. I just found it hard to approach him, with anything anymore. He was not the same man now, that I loved and married. He had a way of making me feel worthless. He probably didn't even realize, he had that effect on me. It was not in anything he said, because he spoke nicely to me. I suppose, I knew that I was not important to him, any more.

This all started to effect me and in the end, my feelings of resentment and anger, over the whole situation started to take over. I lost my focus on God and my zest for life. I had not been this depressed for along time and no matter how hard, I tried to come out of it, I couldn't. I sank that low, that I began to have thoughts of suicide again. I had not felt this way, since I had accepted Jesus into my life and I couldn't understand why this was happening.

I went to bed one night, praying to Jesus to help me with this. I couldn't understand why I was so down. I could hardly think. I felt, as if my mind was being rushed, with depressing thought after thought. All of a sudden, I saw Jesus and he showed me, what was behind my depression. It was like, I was surrounded by demons, they were every where, attacking my every thought. I was encircled by them. When they saw Jesus, he didn't even need to speak, they ran and in that instant, my thoughts were clear and my depression lifted, Instantly. I just looked at Jesus, I was so amazed. I realized through this, that he doesn't need to speak to have authority. He IS Authority. I saw such a mighty and powerful side to Jesus. He showed me, that he is King of Kings and Lord of all. Jesus doesn't need to speak, he just is. Those demons fled so fast, they couldn't even argue. They were powerless in His presence and could not stay.

I felt so terribly small. I felt as if I hardly new him at all, but I wanted to. It is hard to describe, the way in which I felt, Jesus loving me right then. It is so incredibly beautiful. There was a sadness and terrible longing, for me. He loves me so much, too much for me to ever fully comprehend.

Later that night I went to bed and God started speaking to me. I'm afraid that at the time, I did not write this down and so I cannot relate it all to you. I also don't feel that God wants me to share it all. For three days and four nights, God spoke to me. In the end I couldn't stand it any more. I thought my mind was going to explode. During this time, God showed me why? He had created me. He told me that he had created me for a purpose and then he told me what that purpose was.