Debb's Christian Share Page

 

A while later, I went to bed, early again one night, to spend some time with God. This is a routine I have formed, but this night I spent most of the night crying. One of the things God said, was that he was going to show me what a real family is like. He told me, that I was now in his family and he would show me what that means. He showed me and made me realize what I was like.

I grew up in a family that was so messed up and it was just, everyone for themselves. God showed me how I still operate that way now, with my own children and me. He said "Debbie I'm going to be your father and teach you what you missed out on. I'm going to show you how my family operates". I was crying. All I could think was, "I can't believe you Lord. You are God. Why would you do this for me. You are God. You don't have to do this. I don't deserve it." I couldn't believe that God wanted to be my real father. Then he said "Debbie, this is how a family operates. You are in my family. I love you and in my family we care and share". He said, "Debbie, I am willing to guide you along the paths that are right for you. I'm going to teach you and help you, the way you should have been taught." (There was no condemnation for any member of my family or me in any of this) there was just love, beautiful love.

He told me more but unfortunately, I did not write this until the following morning and I had forgotten the rest by then. I hardly slept that night. I finally fell asleep at 4am. I spent the night talking to God, praying and read some Psalms in the Bible. I was so close to God it was beautiful.

Before I continue on with what God showed me next I want to explain to you a little about my childhood.

As far back as I can remember, I did not like my father. In-fact, I wanted nothing to do with him. I knew he did not like me either, he was never nice to me. When I was 12 years old, my parents owned a milk bar and I was working in it one Saturday afternoon. There were no customers, so I went to go out to the back room, I was about to go in when I realized, they were all talking about me and so I listened at the door. My father was crying and he said that he hated me and he had never loved me. He could not love me and that he did not know how. I was so hurt by this; I went back to the shop. I knew my father didn't like me, but to hear him say that he hated me was something else. The fact that I didn't like him either, just didn't seem to matter any more. All that mattered was that fathers were not supposed to hate their children. Before this, I thought he didn't like me, and I didn't care, but hearing my father say this, all of a sudden something inside me wanted him to love me. Hearing this changed the course of my life.